The Real Cassandra Thorburn

April 29, 2019

I walked in and I sat down. The room was full of….. Celebrity

I hate having my hair and make-up done. I’m a messy curl and smudged eye liner kind of girl, but I sat down and did my best not to order the hair and make-up ladies around.

That’s when I noticed who was in the chair opposite me, it was the one and only Cassandra Thorburn…. Now, I’m not gonna lie or pretend that I’m above reading bullshit articles with their own versions of the truths that surround a divorce. 

This particular high profile divorce happened around the same time as mine hit the media, so I remember reading and wondering what was real and what was a fabricated and then moving onto the comments where the holier-than-thou got to show off their holiness.

I don’t do small talk, I like to throw my all at someone, see if its gonna scare them off or on the odd occasion draw them in.

She sat there having her make up done, her hair was a pretty neat bob and her voice was one of a seasoned celebrity, she didn’t have my Aussie twang that’s for sure.

“So tell me….” I leant in… “Had any good hard dick since the divorce?”

And just like that Cassandra Thorburn burst into laughter and became the human I was hoping for.

As an ex-wife in our country you get painted as one of two things, you are either a young slut that left the hard working broken hearted man and galloped off into the distance or you’re the bitter old cunt, who has been left for a younger women and will now use all of your powers to hurt him, destroy him and his relationship with his kids..

Which unfortunately neglects one huge factor.. Humans..

You see the more I got to know Cass, the more human she became.

She spoke to me, when nobody else would, she invited me over for dinner, when nobody else did. I had no idea what to expect and as I heard she had leant into my dance partner Gustavo and asked him the question… “Can I trust Con?” It occurred to me that neither did she.

The country is fascinated with Cassandra Thorburn, she generates more clicks in an article than our seasoned actors and as a result is hounded by the media…. Just last week the daily mail were holding her selfie asking the audience if they think she has had botox… I had fucking botox last year…. Nobody gave a fuck about my shiny selfie… But this woman doesn’t get away with anything.

We want the ultimate scorned woman and the country thrives on any small glimpse we get to prove that point.

I walked into her house, I’ll admit, I don’t know people with houses like this, its 3 stories, over the water, two elevators and an indoor pool, she had invited me over to get my hair done by her hairdresser. Cass is hot, she answers the door in a tiny pair of denim shorts and a small singlet stretched over her hot as rack, which doesn’t really fit in with the whole bitter ex-wife story line that we slurped up when the media served it to us like desert.

During our conversation I told her, “I’m bringing my kids to Sydney, I can’t go another second away from them,” I hadn’t figured out logistics, I just bought their airfares and she casually asked me if we would all like to stay at her house, “Darl” she insisted, “I have this huge house, I would love to share my home with you” Cass looks you in the eyes when she speaks to you, she grabs your hands and makes you believe her.

To be honest, I don’t know what I would have done without that offer. It was a real offer, it wasn’t a bullshit offer, nor was it an offer she would soon regret. Cass Thorburn is a girl’s girl and so we moved in.

My nights went from being squashed in a hotel room, to staying up and chatting all night, you can chat to Cass about anything at all, she’s an open book who will literally laugh all night long with you over a glass of wine, which is highly unusual for a bitter old scorned bitch… Wouldn’t you think daily mail?

I’d have the occasional word with my husband and Cass would casually take the baby from my hands and ask me to remind her never to marry again, she would lie on my bed with me as we snooped on Instagram and laughed and laughed at the bullshit that the media was coming up with.

But the one thing, the main thing that the media forgot when it painted Cassandra Thorburn as the scorned, bitter ex-wife is that she is a wonderful, wonderful mother.. and I know a good mum when I see one. I’m talking a sick kid in her bed, an open line of conversation with her teenagers, an involved, a worried, a tired, a proud and dedicated mum.

To her credit, 3 gorgeous looking, interesting kids, not just polite kids, fascinating kids. Kids who didn’t seem to think there was anything weird about this blogger and her surfy, hippy husband and all their kids moving into their lives.

I had no idea what to expect when I met Cassandra Thorburn, but I definitely didn’t expect what I got, a woman’s woman, who’s been there and done that, couldn’t give a fuck about small talk and will now be a friend for life.

Women are so interesting, shoving them into a box and labelling them to help men feel comfortable with all of the exs floating around in the real world, dominating the fuck out of life, won’t do anybody any justice.

Cass….See you again soon sister… It was a pleasure!!